The more I sat and thought about it the more I realized that I need to stop putzing around and try to do some indie work. Become one of those plucky con (convention) artists, and make a bit of money and visibility for myself. DUH! So to that end I've been taking steps towards that and its strange...

Getting away from kamishibai takes some pretty tedious (seeming) babysteps...I didn't realize that trying to draw bigger than that 200x112 box would require me to do what I'm doing now, taking requests that force me to draw larger and get USED to drawing that large (Something I've never had to routinely do, since when I began drawing on the comp I did it for kamis). And I think doing comics again will require the same thing,.

So I've been doing requests on DA and as I do them my level of comfort is going up, and my comfort level with new things is going up as well. I've never really had to draw sci-fi stuff, gargoyles, or much anthro (because all my friends hate anthro/furry stuff for some reason) and doing them now I see what I like and don't like how how to add details I normally might not. It's all good!

I'll post some of my art here later, but tell me...
How are all of you doing?

My mother's ex-husband, my ex-stepfather. Is now dead. 

I'm not sure of all of the details but apparently police came to our house yesterday while I was at school and told my mother that they "found his body". Like I said I'm not sure of the details but he is off course deceased and apparently being held at an army/navy base or something since he IS considered a veteran for serving. Who cares. 

When I first heard this I was leaping for joy inside. 

Inside I'm still doing cartwheels, and this may seem callous to some of you but I can't lie about emotions and I have no reason to be ashamed of them, but what makes me feel bad is that he was my little brother's biological father. My mother told my brother about his death last night...I don't think he's slept very well. To lose your dad at 16...and knowing he didn't do any of the right things to see you (All he had to do was go to a rehab program and show progress to get visitation rights, but he never did. Apparently being a drunk was too important) must feel awful. When I came into his room this morning he seemed to be awake. I'm not sure how my mother feels about it either. 

I know that I'm frustrated though that we have to DEAL with this. Him ruining our lives from beyond the grave. I dread having to deal with HIS family (who are all...corrupt or damaged without a desire to be repaired) and have MY brother go through all of this crap. He couldn't crawl into a whole and disappear he had to get in his last parting shot. What a fuck. A love is only as good as the lover. That man was poisoned by his family and those people WALLOW in their own destruction like swine. He had a chance to get beyond that and he didn't. Even without us he had chance after chance, everyone in that family has. They just prefer their own tragedy to success. Sin Exito. Verdad?

Anyway now all we need is for Haydie's ex to die in a knife fight and then everyone I know will be set. No...forget the fight part, he can just be knifed to death. Then it'll be "Happy Birthday Haydie!" or maybe not. ^_^; 

And Misstsukino. I will totally be one of your back up dancers. I can't dance to well but we can do this break out dance thing. FOR REALS!  

Okay, 

So after all of the New Age muckity WHATEVER of the last post (all for my benefit and...I feel uplifted. More than before) 
I said that my next post would be lighter.

And it is! 

Making this post is the second reason I wanted to update anyway. 

Concerning "The Guy on the Bus" who approached me? I saw him! On Wednesday and Today! It got me to thinking about how Misstsukino and I were discussing what my idea of "cute" and "attractive" or "Hot" is and I tried to file him in one. He's attractive...but not in the normal since. I would probably say he's may be an African American/Hispanic mix by the look of him? He's definately mixed, I'm been black long enough to tell when someone is mixed or not ^.^; Although his looks are more heavily on the Hispanic side. 

But the thing about him is that...his attractiveness is more stylized like...he reminds me of a bird. Like...a predatory bird like a hawk or a falcon which is why I would say that he has hawkish features. However I don't feel like I'm prey? Or food? Maybe Hoshi is right and this is a mating thing? Which brings me to yesterday (And for all purposes we will refer to him as Tengu Man, because he does remind me of a half-man half-bird kind of person). 

So anyway yesterday I was getting off the bus when suddenly I noticed him sitting there. I never saw him get on the bus. So then suddenly I see him as I walk toward my second stop and he SEES me looking at him. Well I did WANT to talk to him again because I wanted to correct myself for saying something wrong the first time we had spoken (I told him I was reading one book...and it turns out I had actually been reading another but didn't realize it). 

So he starts WALKING over! 

And I'm not going to STAND there staring at him! So I look at the Publix, and I look at the Walgreens, and I look at the sky (lovely lovely clouds), and I look at the street (so many rocks to make it!). And I look towards the side (like a vampy whore) when I think he's close so that he knows he can come over and talk. 

And I know Misstsukino is probably thinking "Slut" and Hoshi is thinking "Go Red!" 

And he DOES! I see his shoes and know it's him (I was all kinds of looking coy) and I look up as if "Oh what a surpise!" 
All the while thinking "Why is he taking so long to initiate a discussion? I'm trying to look vapid and approachable not like Buddha deep in meditation. MOVE THOSE LEGS!" (Gods I sound loose) 

So he's sort of behind me and I have to turn around to look at him. And then he's looking all down at his shoes and looks up all sly and say " 'Sup"  which confuses the hell out of me. What does he mean " 'Sup" ? If he was interested in more than just someone to talk to wouldn't he say more? Was he trying to be cool? 

MEN ARE CONFUSING AND STUPID! 

And then my bus came and I had to leave. So we never go to talk. 
We also didn't get to talk THIS morning because he was so groggy and tired that he never got to where I was fast enough. But what IS new is that I realized why I never noticed him BEFORE. It's because he wasn't wearing that gray hoodie I always see him in when he got on the bus. He PUT it on AFTER he got on. No wonder I didn't see him if I was looking for someone in a gray sweatshirt/hoodie combo. 

So...yeah. Why am I even trying? 
I mean seriously WHY am I trying? 

Where is MissTsukino to tell me "Stay away from him unless he buys you gifts!"

Okay so I KNOW some of you may be wondering what happened with "the guy" on the bus. Remember the one from yesterday morning? Remember?

Does anyone remember? 

I'LL CUT YOU..er...I mean...think hard ^.^; 

Well I DID see him this morning as well...when he came out (apparently he lives...rather close to where I do. Right near the mall) he got on and STARED at this chick for like 5 minutes as he walked to his seat (okay...so it was more like seconds but...SHUT UP!) and I was like "Hmph! Should have known he was just some ROMEO!" 

Cause at first when I saw him looking I thought he was looking for me...but then I noticed that the girl he was staring at LOOKS like. Our hair is long and we have the same shape glasses. Only she has mondo boobies ^.^; heh 

SO he walked to a seat somewhere behind me and when he suddenly went up front to pay his faire (I guess) I caught his eye on the way back and gave a polite nod and he gave me one of those "What's up, how's it going?" nods that you see frriends give each other. No smile no...anything. And when we got off the bus I had no time to stand around and talk because I had to rush off to my next bus. 

So it means that I either "looked like his type" or he was just striking up conversation before. I don't KNOW! Because he looked at the other chick when he got ON the bus but when he paid his faire on the way back to his seat he didn't even glance at her and gave me a nod. Does he secretly want a harem of nerdy girls? 

Maybe I just looked like a fat ass today as opposed to yesterday. I remember when I visited Jamie in California she would wake up in the morning and look and at me and say "You look like a fat ass whale! Why did I invite you OUT here!" 

And then she'd go into the bathroom and cry for 20 minutes =(  

And Ben wouldn't let anyone talk to her. Not even the cats, because they can talk now. Yes, I said it. 
But today I feel good anyway. Really good. And I have a kami/KiSS meeting tomorrow night on yahoo messenger and I may even get the chance to talk to another artist (someone I've never actually talked to beyond Deviantart) AND I get to talk to Hoshi! 

YAY!

Well I got the reply back from my letters to the food services people. 

One promised to mail me coupons. 

The other promised to take immediate action and invited me to come by their office to further discuss my grievances. i wrote both back thanking them for their time. 

Which is all I really can do right? Case in point I am STARVING this morning!!! Do you hear me?! STARVING!! There is no place around her to eat AND make sure I get here on time. I hate hate hate this! Stupid miami buses....and I don't WANT a bag of goddamn chips! 

NOOOO CHIIIIIPS!!!!!

I am feeling disturbed. 

Things have been good thus far. No worries. 

Although today I did write a seething letter to the department in charge of food services on campus. Those people are positively awful, and you know I DON'T have to eat there. I could eat a bag of chips and just waste away. But FUCK when I spend money at your establishment and you can't meet up to ME as the customer then I have the right to SAY something, ya know? 

So I did. I expect them to give me a hearty "Fuck off" response, BUT at least I spoke up and said something. When the dining area at my old college got bad I sat back and said nothing because it wasn't TERRIBLE. NOW I have experienced third world country terrible and I will not deal with it. Cause I could have the BREAKFAST SANDWICH with TOAST. Only grilled cheese may have the TOAST. And I couldn't have it with a croissant even though the croissant is on the bread rack. I MAY ONLY have it with disgusting cuban bread (only good for CUBAN SANDWICHES), a filthy english muffle (hole), or a bagel. I can eat bagels but sometimes their like tires. Hard and ick.

This bagel was inbetween those so I lived. But they made me feel SO STUPID for wanting to try something else. Why? Why must I be made to feel bad about wanting something that is possible? Whatever. Fuck it.

Anyway what had me really disturbed was my last class which is a women's lit course. I don't fit in too well. Every time I try to find a middle ground or bring up an observation It's like I'm offering water to some other people's wine. Even though mine carries...solidness? It's not flashy and on the edge. So I'm...plain? Which okay...but I don't want to FEEL plain. So yeah, in class we were talking about race. I'm black so...yeah. The book we're reading is about...concepts of beauty. But the characters are black and it takes place in the North. Some girl said she would have liked it more if the characters were white so it wouldn't seem so negative or cliche.

I said I could kinda see what she meant and tried to explain her vantage point. You know me and "clearing things up" since the teacher could NOT get what this girl was saying and the girl was having trouble explaining it.

I got called presumptuous.

Yay me.

University do I hate thee
Yes or No? 
At the end of the day 
My love for thine grounds is lost
And in the morning never recovered 

Until thee I say: 
Hate. Verdict. Decree

Yes today was the first day (Monday, that is) of my time at the University. In the end I still hate the place. I'll only go as long as I have to. I have some rather demanding classes this morning. Most seem like fun (I.E. My two political classes "Equality" and "International Policies of the U.S.")  and some will be harder than others. Mainly the Spanish class, which of course is me learning a new language. One that I failed at (the second part) in High School. It won't be easy because he wants us to SPEAK it in class as much as possible and so I'll REALLY need to know what he's talking about. I think by the end of the semester I'll be MUCH better at Spanish overall. 

I'm gonna ace that fucking class. I have to. I have to escape FIU. 

By the Gods I hate that place. 

In the morning...where I wait for the bus? Bugs...nast y little flying creatures! They only attack ME!!! MEEEEE!!! I like fucking die! Everyone probably thinks I'm on ANGEL DUST because I keep swatting the things away from me! 

And the bus drivers are all mean...just UGH!!! 

I also chose the wrong class for one of them...so now I have to go and get everything I need from the new class on Wednesday -_- (Or ratehr I need to email the Prof and let him know the situaiton. Lucky thing to because for the class I picked before the teacher was a BITCH MONSTER!!)

Shoot me.